Through the magic of Facebook, my freshman college roommate, Sommer, and I recently reconnected. She was married now and had two adorable children. But the best part, was that she was temporarily living abroad- in London- with her family and traveling through Europe with her two children. I loved that she and her husband had the courage to say yes to a great opportunity (despite having a whole life with children in Florida) to live and work in London. An opportunity which would give their children the chance to experience life abroad, to learn in real time, to shape the very people they would become, and to create such great and lasting memories for them.
If you are an avid reader of this blog, you know that my main goal is to encourage you to travel no matter what stage you are in life and to give you the resources to help you do that. The holidays are here, and with them comes time for family travel. Maybe you aren’t crossing the pond this year, but maybe next year you will. Because she can offer a perspective that I cannot, I asked Sommer to share some of the things she has learned in her six months of international travel with two small children, and she graciously agreed. I hope these tips give you the courage to take that trip that you have been putting off and to bring the family, too!
Staring at the bathroom counter, eyes squinted, I could see two pink lines slowly appear and my heart began to race. People were coming in and out of the rooms around me, boxes and furniture were being set firmly on the floor, but all I could hear was the rhythmic beating. I looked away from the pregnancy test and up at the mirror, I was already showing signs of the proverbial glow. My first instinct was to burst out of the bathroom and shout “I’m pregnant,” but I refrained. We were in the middle of moving into our new home, and I wanted to wait until my husband and I had a private moment. Later, after the last box was unloaded, I showed him the test and that evening we celebrated being in our first house and the impending arrival of our first child.
Over the course of the next nine months (ten really but no one ever tells you that), we began planning. We decorated the nursery, attended childbirth and childcare classes, read birthing and parenting books, hired a doula, solicited the advice of family and friends, researched and installed the car seat, and so on and so forth until the day came. I read every book, took every class, purchased every item of baby gear, and asked every question, but, when the day came, none of it had prepared me for the moment when my daughter was born. It was the most painful (i.e., labor) and most joyous experience of my life. My body has never felt so depleted, yet so full at the same time. Twenty-months later, when I delivered my son, the experience was not much different. All the preparation and prior experience, could not prepare me for what I would feel in that moment when my eyes first met his.
This is the story I tell my friends when they ask me about having children, especially those preparing to have their own. It is meant to be reassuring and inspiring. It is honest and pure, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. I leave out the details about the discomforts of pregnancy, blinding pain of contractions, and the sleep-deprivation that occurs in the weeks following birth. Many of the mothers that came before me did me the same courtesy helping build my confidence, and if I pried, they would share the less idyllic details. Mother code.
When my husband and I decided to temporarily move abroad with our children and travel with them internationally, I suspected that many of the fellow mothers I polled would adhere to the same “mother code” providing me with the sugar-coated version of their travel experience. Like with labor and delivery, we all know the “horrors” so why not focus on the positive, the motivational. “Bring an iPad and some snacks, and they will do great. They’ll probably sleep on the plane.” I knew it wouldn’t be that simple. So I planned for everything, and came equally prepared for nothing to go as planned.
Planning for Everything
Obtain passports. The waiting room at any local, state, or federal department can be a test of wills for a person of any age. For a two and four-year old child, it is a test of wills for every person in the room. It is also a good litmus test of whether you are ready to fly. Visit the US Department of State online, complete all your paperwork in advance and have your corresponding identification ready to go. Make an appointment (this will reduce, but not eliminate wait time). Bring quite activities and toys, snacks, and your creativity. Don’t worry about the pitch of your singing voice — sing Wheels on the Bus like you are Queen Bey. Allow 4-6 weeks for your passports to arrive by mail.
Consult your pediatrician and the CDC. Once you have submitted your passport(s) application, it’s onto the next waiting room. Take your child(ren) to the pediatrician and discuss any additional immunizations or care that should be taken for travel. Consult the CDC website for travel advisories before you finalize your destination. (Tip for travel: Bring the pharmacy. Pack a small kit of essentials for your trip including first-aid items, your go-to over-the-counter and homeopathic remedies, and any prescriptions your children may require. Their preferred flavor of fever-reducing medicine may not be available abroad.)
Book your travel. Now that the wait is over, book your trip with small children in mind. Whether you use a travel agent or book independently, use “family friendly” search criteria. Purchasing a seat for all travelers (even those who qualify for a lap seat) is beneficial. This gives you the option to bring and use your car seat aboard (just make sure is FAA compliant) plus you have gained some extra play room and leg room. Consider your transportation at your destination as well — trains are a great option where available. If using a car service or cab service, determine if a car seat(s) is needed. If you don’t being your own, ensure the service can provide one and the proper style seat for your child’s age, weight, and height. Where you stay may influence the type of transportation you may use. Keep this in mind when booking. Map hotel or vacation rental options in relation to points of interest. Ensure they accommodate small children (some boutiques and private rentals do not) and that a larger room is not required (occupancy rules vary internationally). Narrow your search with sites such as Trip Advisor or opt for an apartment/home rental through a site like Kid & Coe or Mrs. & Mrs. Smith Family. Choose a hotel or rental that not only “allows” children but welcomes them by offering special turn-down services, onsite activities, baby gear rental or toy/play areas. Babysitting services are a plus (wink).
Pack the essentials. Take an inventory of what you already have, what you can borrow, and what you need to buy. Aim to travel light (your hands will be full with your children), yet bring what you need to enjoy your vacation and not to mention the journey there. Packing for the flight itself (and don’t forget the return flight home) is as important as the trip. A carry-on with a day or two’s worth of clothes is recommend for cases of lost luggage, or spilled chocolate milk, as well as essential toiletries. A bag containing on-flight entertainment is also recommend (don’t bother with the glossy magazines, who are you fooling — you want be relaxing and reading). Pack your bag with activities to keep your child(ren)’s hands and attention occupied during pre-boarding and on the flight.
(By the way, to lighten your load, you may want to research baby equipment rental companies. You can find a list of them here: Travels With Baby).
Use pre-boarding time wisely. Leave enough time to get to the airport and through security without rushing your child or creating stress. At the airport, give them as much space as possible to stretch and play before boarding. Some airports now offer children’s soft play areas. Stock up on water and snacks. Hint: Gummy bears are an enticing “incentive” (okay, bribe) for good in-air behavior. Don’t be in a rush to be the first ones to be in line for boarding. Your seats are reserved, and as a family with small children, you (usually) have priority seating.
Nothing Goes as Planned
Board with intention. Find your seats, stow your carry-ons and take a deep breath. Pace yourself, the snacks, and the activities (remember, you have hours to fill), but keep them handy. The time you spend in the air is most likely less than the time an average women spends in labor. Trust me, this won’t take as long, and won’t be nearly as painful. There may be crying, there may be loss of fluids, and there may even be some pacing of the floor; and, most certainly (and perhaps more surprisingly) there will be joy.
Sit back and enjoy your flight (and your trip). Look your child(ren) in the eyes and tell them (and yourself) this is going to be an amazing adventure! Treat take off like a rocket ship blast off with a 3-2-1 countdown. Find shapes in the clouds outside the plane window or spot the stars on a clear night. Color or play tablet games with them. Walk the aisle for a good stretch. Chat about your destination and ask them what they most want to see or do. Recline your seat and let them lean their head on you. You may not sleep, but chances are they will. Find rest in the quiet moments.
Bring back a souvenir. I’m not talking miniature spoons or t-shirts here (Read: “I survived an international flight with a toddler”). The souvenir I’m talking about won’t collect dust on a shelf. Collect the moments you experience with your child, take pictures with your eyes and capture them in your heart. They will remember this adventure, perhaps not seeing a certain landmark or visiting a specific place, but the feelings of wonder and curiosity will linger. You have sparked their wanderlust. For the details they may forget, give them a personalized travel journal or make one of your own with their names and the details of the trip.
The fasten seat belt sign had lifted and the chorus of unbuckling sounded. The fully booked flight was relatively quiet — soft chatter, crisp magazine pages folding open, cabinets opening and closing as flight attendants prepared the snack cart. Closer to me, the sound of children giggling — my own two children, huddled together, making one another laugh. I smiled as I let out a sigh of relief. It was only the beginning of the flight, but I was optimistic. Hours later we would awake to the voice of the captain telling his crew to prepare for arrival. There had been brief moments of turbulence, for us and for the plane, but that’s to be expected on any flight with children aboard. 
This has been my experience flying with small children internationally, and these are the tips I have learned along the way. No “mother code” invoked. It can be stressful, but it can also be life-changing. You’re opening their eyes to the world, and you will see the world in a new perspective as a result. With several trips taken since our first cross-Atlantic flight, the newborn days of travel are behind us. We are more confident parents and more confident travelers. There’s only one thing left to plan – Where to Next?
__________
Sommer Stiles is a writer and graphic designer. An expat, she lives in London with her husband and two children. Sommer and her family have spent six months living abroad and traveling Europe. To learn more about their adventures or how to have one of your own, contact sommer.stiles@gmail.com.
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